What type of communicator are you?

Communication is key in nearly all aspects of life: within relationships, within work or school environments, social experiences in public settings and so many more! Knowing different type of communication styles can also help you figure out how to communicate with someone very different from you. How you carry yourself and communicate with others speaks volumes about who you are as a person. So what type of communicator are you?

Manipulative Communicator

If you find yourself communicating with phrases like this, you are most likely a manipulative communicator... 

"You are SO lucky to have so many nice clothes. I bet you don't wear half of them. I wish I could afford all of those nice clothes.."

Following up an insulting phrase with, "I'm only joking!"

Fishing for compliments such as, "My hair is so ugly! I wish my hair was beautiful so that people would think I'm attractive..."

A manipulative communicator is skilled at distorting their words to steer the receiver in order to benefit off of them. There is often more to their words than one may realize and they can often disguise their underlying meanings. They can often be found sulking to gain attention and sympathy from others. Manipulative communicators are prone to make their receiver feel guilty and frustrated so that they cave to give into the wants of the communicator. 

Assertive Communicator

If you find yourself communicating with phrases like this, you are most likely an assertive communicator...

"Something is really bothering me, when would be a good time for us to talk?"

"I really appreciate your suggestion, I will take it into consideration." 

"I feel hurt by what you said because I really care about you. I would like to discuss what our next step should be."

"Although I respect your opinion on the campaign, I am supporting the opposing candidate." 

 

An assertive communicator is built with confidence and high self-esteem. They are go-getters and communicate without using aggressive or manipulative tactics. Assertive communicators will carry themselves with a straight, confident posture and make steady, attentive eye contact during a conversation. Their self-certainty shines without coming across as arrogant. They take responsibility for themselves and their own actions. Assertive communicators do not intend to construe ill intentions when they communicate criticism, and they are also willing to take criticism in return.  They know what is best for them and they respect the opinions of others.

Aggressive Communicator

If you find yourself communicating with phrases like this, you are most likely an aggressive communicator...

"How can you not see how wrong you are?!"

"You're wasting my time!"

"I don't care what you say, I know I'm right."

Phrases that include: name-calling, threatening, berating, etc.  

An aggressive communicator thinks that their own needs and opinions are far more important than anyone else's. Winning is at their core and they do not care about the path of hurt or vengeance they leave behind them. They do not focus on the content of the message, but rather getting people to listen to them and instantly agree with them. It is a very ineffective communication style as hostile emotions run very hot and sympathy runs very cold.

Submissive Communicator

If you find yourself communicating with phrases like this, you are most likely an submissive communicator...

"Whatever you choose is fine."

"You can have it, I didn't want it anyways."

"It's nothing really. Don't worry about me." 

Submissive communicators avoid confrontation at all costs, often forfeiting their own happiness. This communicator often has a muddled sense of self and lacks confidence, making it seem as though everyone else's opinions and rights are better than their own. It can be an issue to practice a submissive communication style, as your own wants; needs and desires are not being addressed.

Passive-Aggressive Communicator

If you find yourself communicating with phrases like this, you are most likely a passive-aggressive communicator...

"I didn't know you meant now."
 
"I can take care of everything, like I usually do."
 
"Yeah, go ahead and use your idea. Mine wasn't good enough anyways.

A passive-aggressive communicator is a combination of aggressive communication and submissive communication. Often they seem as though they are "okay" with things, when their blood may be boiling on the inside. Their communication is embedded with anger. Passive-aggressive communicators often hinge off of sarcasm and seemingly lighthearted comments that are making up for their true emotion that are being bottled-up. This type of communication makes it feel as though the person has no voice, and it can be very hurtful to the person on the receiving end of passive-aggressive comments or behaviors.