Inconvenient truths

The notion of frenemies has become increasingly interesting to my daily life as I emerge into the uncertainties of adulthood. As I look around at my own friend groups and the webs connecting them to their own friend groups, I can't help but notice that many (including myself) have grown compliant to the feeding and nurturing of frenemies to exist in our lives. 

The application of the word frenemy was birthed in the 50's but in recent years has accelerated in use. The term "frenemy" can formally be defined by dictionary.com as:

-a person or group that is friendly toward another because the relationship brings benefits, but harbors feelings of resentment or rivalry.

This is all too common in adulthood, as you no longer have the choice to not associate with that person, as we often would have in adolescence. Frenemies scattered in various life experiences and can be much harder to handle than toxic people in those same experiences. 

Why is this?

If we clearly have someone who does not bring us any benefits and is only out for our demise, boundaries are easy to set and religiously follow. We don't care what they think of us nor do we give them the time of day to please them.

BUT with a frenemy, we feel an obligation to feed into the connection based on the benefits we receive. Frenemies are often referred to as ambivalent friendships in the sense that it takes mental energy out of our day to interact with them, when in reality a connection should be without hesitation and flow naturally. 

Vanessa Van Edwards is the leading expert behind the notion of ambivalent friendships and she is who I can accredit my new direction of thought. As I reevaluate my current "friendships" there is one important question I always ask myself, "Have I ever questioned if they were truly happy for me?" 

I challenge others to do the same, even if they reach a realization that is inconvenient. 

Frenemies are more toxic than enemies because we let them get away with so much more.

I say no longer.

-Vanessa Van Edwards 

Learn more about the topic of frenemies here