Validating your feelings

I learned something this week that will, without a shadow of doubt, follow me through the rest of my life. What I learned was:

You do not need to discredit others' feelings, to make your own more valid.

I have been seeing this ongoing social tick far too often, and I'm sure you have too.
  
Just the other day, I openly voiced my sadness that was being shed outwards by my persistent depression I had been battling for quite some time. 

This was unusual for me to reach out to anyone outside of my comfort zone of my family and loving boyfriend. Let's just chalk it up to a really bad week.

Amongst other things, we had put my 14-year old dog to sleep and my brother had been admitted into the hospital due to complications with his Type 1 Diabetes. Add in several stresses of school and work - and I had reached my breaking point.

SO when I do reach out to someone, I do not get the reaction I had hope for. Instead of a sincere look and an endearing, "it'll all be okay," I was discredited.  

In summary, they went on to tell me how worse their problem were, blah blah blah. 

It was a metaphorical slap in the face.

Let's get real - I would have been overly happy to have a compassionate conversation about their feelings, problems, worries, etc. IF they had been willing to provide me with the same respect. At first, I was upset... and then I began to put thought into it and it really brought things to light.

They were not trying to make me feel this way... they were trying to make themselves feel better by saying that their own feelings were more real than mine. Often when we choose not to personally address our own feelings and establish a level of mental health in which we allow ourselves to have these feelings - we need them to be validated elsewhere. I was that elsewhere for that person. 

It is so, so important that we allow ourselves to feel everything, so that we know that negative feelings are not permanent. They pass and we must communicate with ourselves to keep that as a reminder when it has been a really bad day, week, month or year. Regardless of how someone makes you feel, know that your feelings are valid. YOU are valid, and no one has to remind you of that but yourself.